BOSTON, MA – A new study conducted by the National Urological Association enrolled over 25,000 males of all races to measure flaccid and erect penis sizes.  Their results concluded the average erect penis size to be 5.4 inches and the average flaccid size to be 3.1 inches.  Results seem to parallel results from another recent study conducted by the British Journal of Urology.

Measurements were conducted using a Stanley tape measure, washed in between uses, and two medical students hoping to pursue a future career in urology.  Both measurements were recorded and averaged together to minimize measurement error.

Feet, hands, testicular droop, and testicle size were also measured but no correlation between those measurements and penis size could be determined.  However, men with bigger hands tended to have a subjectively smaller looking penis, especially from the profile view.  One correlation surprisingly demonstrated that Corvette drivers actually had an average size of 6.8 inches, thus disproving any prior myths.  Men with a Prius or a Subaru Outback not surprisingly were “consistently in the erect 3-4 inch range.”

A side study was also performed which also had each participant measure their own penis size.  As expected self-measurements were “grossly overestimated” with erect and flaccid states 3.7 and 1.8 inches higher than actually measured by the medical students.

After erection was achieved and measured, cold water was splashed along with showing a picture of each individual’s mother which achieved a return to flaccidity on average in 1.3 seconds.  After 5 seconds, clear shrinkage was occurring with a -1.7 inch retraction from flaccid baseline.

No males were harmed in conducting this study.  More studies are needed to strengthen results for this extremely important topic, and the authors recommend shifting money for less exciting cancer research to this cause.  Future studies could look into why right testicles droop down farther than left testicles.