AUSTIN, TEXAS – In the midst of post-coital bliss, hospital administrator Chaz Moneybags asked his sexual partner to fill out a satisfaction survey, purely out of reflexive habit. “It’s very important to take a quick snapshot after the interaction to identify areas for improvement,” said Mr. Moneybags. “Satisfaction scores are the most important things in the world. Everybody knows this. Honestly, I get morning glow after I break down satisfaction survey results.”
When approached by Gomerblog for comments after copulation, Jacqueline Smith praised Mr. Moneybags’ professionalism as he handed her the 3 page survey in bed. “He was so prepared. He even had a clipboard and an official hospital pen too. The whole process was very comfortable, even though it’s kind of unnatural to apply the satisfaction score paradigm to something as pure as love-making. But satisfaction score systems work so well in the doctor-patient relationship, so why wouldn’t it be applicable here?!”
Ms. Smith continued, “I mean, all Chaz does at work is satisfaction score analysis, and he earns more than the doctors! He even bought a new sports car recently; that’s the whole reason I was receptive to him at the bar where we met. I was able to write that part in a freestyle comment section at the end of the survey.”
Questions on the post-coital survey included:
- Did your partner pay attention to your needs and concerns?
- Was everything explained clearly to you during the encounter?
- Was the time spent with you sufficient?
- Was the room clean?
- Was all the equipment functional?
- Was there a systematic “time-out” before engaging in fornication to confirm that the correct participants were involved and the correct body parts were about to be used
- Was the discharge process smooth?
- Did you have the opportunity to discuss risks, benefits and alternatives during the consent process?
Early statistical analysis of Mr. Chaz Moneybags’ post-coital satisfaction survey scores from the first & second quarters of the year have placed him in the 80th percentile among hospital administrators.
When contacted by Gomerblog for comment, staff hospitalist Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram said “Ordinarily a 80th percentile score would be good. But since Mr. Moneybags fell short of his 99th percentile target, he has already decided to cut the pay for the hospitalists. And also the nurses too. Of course.”
