Anti-Vax, Non-GMO, Organic, Gluten-Free Mother Wants “Strongest Possible S**t” to Rid Her Child of Head Lice

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SANTA ROSA, CA – Tragedy has struck The Waldorf School of Sonoma County, California, as two thirds of kindergarten and 1st grade students were found to be afflicted with head lice.

head lice
“This comb isn’t going to cut it, grab the insecticide!”

Pediculus humanus capitis, or head lice, is a common childhood condition infesting 12 million children per year.  Although they do not carry any pathogens and are relatively harmless, head lice induce pure fear and disgust in every parent.  Treatment typically includes an over-the-counter shampoo and thorough nit removal, although refractory cases may require a prescription-strength pediculicide.


When the school notified Ivy Sunshine that the nurse found head lice on her kindergartner, Tallulah, Ivy was beside herself.  “I want the strongest possible chemical s**t to get rid of those awful creatures!  NOW!”  Her homeopathic doctor suggested mayonnaise and tea tree oil.  But Tallulah’s mother refused, insisting her daughter be bathed from head to toe in the most potent, toxic insecticide available.  Ten times.

Parents at the prestigious Waldorf School are in an uproar over the lice infestation, demanding action.  The school has begun excluding children whose parents refuse lice checks, stating, “Inclusion is very important at our school.  But these parents are imposing a significant health risk to the other children in the school and community.  And we can’t condone that behavior.”

Ivy Sunshine stresses the importance of identifying cases of head lice early, but admits prevention is the key.  She laments, “If only there was a safe, reliable injection for my child to avoid such a dreadful disease!”

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