CHICAGO, IL – Lord Have Mercy Hospital has taken patient satisfaction to a whole new level by recently opening a “Smoker’s Lounge” for its chain smokers. It is already gaining huge popularity among the smoker’s community and they are lovingly calling it “The Chimney Lounge.”
“Patients were not only giving us bad reviews but were also signing out against medical advice,” Mr. Cheapest Executive Officer, CEO of Lord Have Mercy Hospital, described their predicament. “We could not afford to lose our business like this in front of our own eyes. We decided to raise the bar to a level where it has never been raised before. We converted the nursing lounge into a patient smoker’s lounge. In this way, we get to keep our patients with great reviews and these lousy nurses don’t have any place to hang out to waste their time whining about hospital administration.”
He proudly continued, “We basically killed two sparrows with one arrow.” In response to our question if any safety precautions were considered before the opening of this chimney lounge, Mr. CEO replied, “Every smoker has been provided with a fire extinguisher along with the oxygen tank. Ambulances and EMTs have been replaced with Fire Brigades and Firefighters respectively. If someone has any doubt that we don’t know what we’re doing then he should just shut the hell up and be a doctor. We’re in medicine to make profits not to fix anyone.”
Mr. Smokie, the hospital’s frequent flyer who checks in and out of the hospital against medical advice like a hotel, was ecstatic to hear this news. “I’ve been telling these damn doctors that if you can’t fix my COPD then at least let me smoke,” Mr. Smokie complained while taking a big puff from his recently imported Cuban cigar. “This is the only thing that makes me breathe better. Now, at least I don’t have to go out in the cold to give myself a treatment.”
“So what’s next?” our GomerBlog correspondent asked Mr. CEO. “We’re not done here. Actually, it’s only the beginning of a new era. The next stop is a hospital-based marijuana shop and hookah bar.”
Be sure to check out Healthcare Not Fair, the author’s website HERE and their YouTube channel HERE for some hilarious short videos depicting the current state of our healthcare system.
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