BOSTON, MA – Several years after the American Academy of Pediatrics admitted that children are indeed little adults, the Academy confirmed another long-held suspicion: pediatricians are actually big children.
Lead investigator, Bill Sadly, tells the GomerBlog team his skepticism began when he saw his child’s pediatric playing with some office toys, by himself. “He was rolling the trucks across the table, making honking noises, huge smile on his face. I knew something was up. Doctors should never be that happy!”
Then another pediatrician was spotted snacking on office lollipops, arranging her sticker collection. “Oooo, look! It’s a rare first edition Disney Snow White sticker! Let’s just put this one in my coat pocket for ‘the children.’”
Lastly, he noted the character socks worn by Dr. Charlie Child. “What? It’s for the kids!” But it was regrettably his day off.
Forced to respond to allegations, the AAP released the following statement: “Known to carry toys around all day, torment babies, and cry when yelled at by general surgeons, we can no longer ignore the facts. Pediatricians are actually big children. Sometimes obnoxious, know-it-all children who keep saying the same things over and over about vaccines, but definitely kids.”
Investigators tell GomerBlog, “This makes total sense… How else could one explain pediatricians’ acceptance of such measly salaries? They are lucky they don’t just get paid in stickers!”