ENT Excommunicated for Using Q-Tips

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PROVIDENCE, RI – Local Ear, Nose & Throat (ENT) surgeon Dr. Juan Cabrera was been excommunicated by the American Board of Otolaryngology (ABO) for using Q-tips to clean his own ears.  He was reported to the board by another otolaryngologist Harold Schuknecht, who walked in on Dr. Cabrera in the bathroom vigorously jamming the Q-tip into his ear.

Q-tips ENT ear swabs
Up close: ENT’s arch nemesis

For Dr. Cabrera, it all started innocently enough.


“For years, I preached the gospel: no Q-tips in the ears,” he explained  “But after years of treating patients that kept putting these things in their ears, I felt compelled to try it out for myself.  It felt so amazingly good and I was hooked!  Talk about a slippery slope.”

From a one-time experiment, Dr. Cabrera found himself using Q-tips on a daily basis including at work.

“I know what the label on the box says, but I don’t care,” Dr. Cabrera roared back.  “I still had to tell all my patients not to use them, even though I sympathized.  Heck, I wanted to tell them!”

Dr. Schuknecht became curious when Dr. Cabrera asked him one day to clean out his ears.

“Here’s this guy who never had an issue with wax before,” explained a disappointed Dr. Schuknecht.  “I look in his ear canals and the wax crammed down to the eardrum!  It was unbelievable!  So I was suspicious.”

It was not long after when Dr. Schuknecht walked in on Dr. Cabrera in flagrante delicto twirling a Q-tip around in his ear with a near orgasmic look on his face.  Dr. Schuknecht quickly left and phone the ABO who took immediate action.

Dr. John Conley, head of the ABO, was reached for comment.

“I take this as an affront not to just the ENT community but to me personally,” a stern Dr. Conley remarked.  “We have been fighting this battle with the Q-tip people for years, and to find one of our own in bed with the enemy?  A hard line had to be drawn.”

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