COMPTON, CA – Despite plans for President Donald Trump to appoint Dr. Mehmet Oz as Surgeon General of the United States, it appears as though Trump forgot about Dre. So in a surprising turn of events, Dr. Dre will assume the coveted role, squeezing out Dr. Pepper and Dr. Martens.
Dr. Dre has been a doctor for over 30 years with his initial release of Surgery. His expertise includes cardiology (Beats), hospital medicine (The Chronic and his follow up The Acute on Chronic), and palliative care (Death Row). He even forayed into the health care audio industry with last year’s revolutionary Heartbeats by Dr. Dre stethoscopes.
His first order of business will be to address the growing opioid crisis in America by finally releasing his long-awaited Detox album. President Trump praises Dre for his prior accusations of violence against women and his accumulation of massive wealth, two traits Trump looks for in any appointed service member.
Trump initially considered Dr. Oz for the job, but forgot that they are represented by two different television networks, and lawyers could not reach a revenue agreement.
In other news, after a recent closed-door meeting, Trump plans to appoint Kanye West as United States Ambassador.