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In a stunning revelation, scientists have concluded that orthopods are actually highly intelligent beings from elsewhere in our galaxy. Michael Berry, exobiologist explained.

orthopedic surgeons“For years I’ve been hearing rumors about how orthopedic surgeons are considered the ‘dumb jocks’ of the medicine world. And I saw little evidence to suggest otherwise. I mean, all that talk about fixing bones and working out? And the grunting at the gym! But something didn’t add up.”

Dr. Berry went to work and began recording the orthopods language. It turned out that there are at least 170 different variations of enunciating the word “fix” and 27,000 variations on the word “bone”. Those combined with a few other words such as “consult” and “stryker” add up to a rich language full of nuance and subtlety. Dr. Berry found that orthopods were able to speak about culture, philosophy, advanced mathematics, and quantum mechanics.

“Think of it like the dolphins in ‘A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’. They always thought that dolphins just emitted playful squeaks and whistles, where actually they were much smarter than humans ever were. Exact same thing with the orthopods.”

The search for the orthopod home planet is ongoing, however, Dr. Berry had this to say.

“Orthopods might appear dumb, but they’ve shown their intelligence in other ways and have adapted extremely well to life on this planet. They probably did better than most other people in medical school on all their exams, except maybe the dermatologists and ENTs, but while those guys are popping pimples and cleaning ear wax, the orthopod is laughing, and grunting, all the way to the bank.”

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