Colonoscopes Replaced by Plastic Reachers from Home Depot
CHICAGO, IL - Hospital administrators are looking to tighten the pursestrings some more as they look to replace colonoscopes with plastic reachers & grabbers from Home Depot. Gastroenterologists are up in arms.
“I can’t use...
Contact Precautions Stethoscope Will Be Replaced With Drawing of Stethoscope
CHARLESTON, SC - In an effort to cut down on cost and auscultation, hospitals are deciding to change to a illustrated picture of a stethoscope.
"This is...
It Took Over 3 Years, But ICU Team Finally Finishes Untangling All Those Lines
SAN JOSE, CA - It took over 3 years and 7 months to do, but the intensive care unit (ICU) team at Holy Cross Hospital is ecstatic to report that it has finally untangled all...
Patient Admitted with Life-Threatening Butthurt Exacerbation
CHICAGO, IL - "Move people, this guy's crashing!" EMTs yelled, asking everyone to get out of their way as they aggressively carried 33-year-old Alexander Touchy-Feely into one of the trauma rooms so treatment could...
Breaking: Santa Hospitalized After Sleigh Collides with Drone
LONDON, ENGLAND - Santa Claus is in critical condition this morning after his Christmas sleigh collided with a drone over Gatwick airport last night.
Witnesses say Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer spotted the drone but didn't...
Breaking News: American Patient Takes Responsibility for Own Health
CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA - During multidisciplinary rounds on a cardiology unit at the University of Virginia Medical Center (UVAMC), a glimmer of hope was revealed as the health care team was discussing a patient's past...
Michael Kors Designs Surgical Gown Line for Spring
From couture gowns to handbags, and now to surgical gowns, there's no telling what Michael Kors will do next.
The plain paper or fabric surgical gown has been an untouched staple since it's beginning. No...
Ortho Consults Medicine for Surgical Management
BIRMINGHAM, AL - In an act that most definitely crosses the line, orthopedic surgeon Brock Hammersley has consulted Medicine for surgical management of a comminuted left femoral neck fracture.
"The way I see it, Medicine...
Millions of Millennials Hospitalized in ICUs with White Claw Withdrawal
CHICAGO, IL - A nationwide shortage of White Claw Hard Seltzer has led to an unprecedented surge in hospitalizations, with millions of millennials being admitted to intensive care units (ICUs) with life-threatening...
