Thursday, March 28, 2024

Hospital Administrator Accidentally Touches Patient

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BOSTON, MA - Massachusetts General Hospital Vice President for Floor Nurse Oversupervision, Michael Huffenstuff MBA, OPP, POS, had a terrifying experience this past week. 
anesthesiologist intubate bored anesthesiologist

Bored Anesthesiologist Randomly Intubating Patients on Floor

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HOUSTON, TX - Finding it to be a particularly slow day in the operating room today, bored anesthesiologist Lee Maxwell has been spotted running around Houston Medical Center, intubating med/surg patients on the floor at random. Nurses were puzzled when they...
acid-base disorders

Study Concludes That Anyone Who Understands Acid-Base is a Big, Fat Liar

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BOSTON, MA - A landmark study in the latest issue of the Old England Journal of Medicine (OEJM) concluded "beyond a shadow of a doubt" that anyone who claims to understand acid-base...
gunner med student

Gunner Med Student Sends Interns Home, Says He’s Got This

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BOSTON, MA - Clearly shooting for the highest grade possible on his internal medicine rotation, self-proclaimed third-year gunner med student Grayson McGravy told the two medicine interns on his team to go home this morning because "I got...
heavy metal

Heavy Metal Now First Line in Treatment of Symptomatic Bradycardia

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DALLAS, TX - New advanced cardiac life support (ACLS) guidelines from the American Heart Association (AHA) now recommends heavy metal as the first line treatment of symptomatic bradycardia. "Last...
anesthesiologist intubate bored anesthesiologist

Anesthesiologists Wish Patients Could Intubate Themselves Once in a While

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MONTREAL, QUEBEC - Tired of looking after every airway in this world, anesthesiologists admit they occasionally wish patients wouldn't be so lazy and unmotivated, and could occasionally show at least a little interest and intubate...
INR 0 ENT

Interventional Radiology To Only Do Procedures if INR < 0

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OAK BROOK, IL - In an effort to completely eliminate the risk of bleeding, newly-issued guidelines from the Radiological Society of North America (RSNA) now recommend that interventional procedures should only be performed once...

Orthopaedic Surgeon Pays $400,000 to Prevent Son From Matching Into Ophthalmology Residency

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BOSTON, MA - Inspired by the recent college admissions cheating scandal, local Orthopaedic Surgeon Brock Hammersley took matters into his own hands when his son ranked only Ophthalmology residencies in the ACGME Match. “I couldn’t...

Introducing the ‘Dude-Vinci,’ The 1st Robot for Orthopedic Surgery

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DAYTON, OH - A cutting-edge surgical robot has been approved by the FDA and purchased for use in the orthopedic suite at a local hospital. The Dude-Vinci is perfectly calibrated to assist any orthopedic surgeon....