Thursday, March 28, 2024
mrsa spider

Devious MRSA Spider Bites Yet Another Antecubital Fossa, Remains at Large

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GASTONIA, NC - Following an all-too-familiar recent theme, a new patient was assaulted last week by a psychotic spider rampaging through the South. Earl Wayne Thompson, 31, presented to Our Lady of Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy...

Updated 2015 ACLS Algorithm

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ACLS KEY BELOW: * Medical Team Confused as Patient Made DNR Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays ** Joint Commission Mandates Extensive Timeout Prior to Initiating CPR *** Product Review: Mattel’s Resuscitate Me Elmo **** New CPR Guidelines Recommend Switching Out...
registered nurses

Hospital Administrators Rename RNs to ‘Refreshments and Narcotics’

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TAMPA, FL - In order to comply with new government healthcare regulations involving patient satisfaction, hospital administrators at Tampa Memorial Cross Hospital have decided to rename registered nurses (RNs) to a more appropriate title, “Refreshments and...
ortho consults infectious disease

Orthopedics Consults Infectious Diseases for Potential Computer Virus

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NEW ORLEANS, LA - Dr. Joseph Dell of Orthopedic Surgery was hoping it would be a calm day; no surgeries were scheduled and his clinic schedule today was surprisingly light.  After two months of...
emergency department

Intern Shocked to Discover TV Residency and Real Residency Vastly Different

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BALTIMORE, MD - Dr. Anita Campbell dreamt of becoming a physician for years.  Three months ago, she finally graduated from medical school to fulfill her lifelong calling.  Growing up watching shows like Scrubs and...
medicine resident

Tired Medicine Resident Writes 1 Progress Note About 15 Patients

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BALTIMORE, MD - A third-year medicine resident at Johns Hopkins University, Geno Smulison, completely exhausted from a busy inpatient teaching service this month and struggling to stay afloat with two interns off today, decided...
medical student adorbs CAGE questionnaire infectious enthusiasm

Medicine Consulted by Orthopedics on Medicine Patient

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OMAHA, NE - Earlier today on an inpatient medical/surgical floor at Nebraska Medical Center, a confusing series of events in the care of hospitalized patient Josh Ledbury finally culminated in the biggest head-scratcher of...
navy ship

Newly’Appointed ‘Ebola Czar’ Quarantines Entire Navy After Learning Ebola Can Be Transmitted by Semen

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a bold first move since his recent appointment by President Obama as “Ebola Czar,” Ron Klain will quarantine the entire U.S. Navy after learning that the virus is readily carried in...