Woman Not Sure if She’s Using Crutches Correctly
TOWSON, MD - A local woman by the name of Mary Ellis, who sustained a fracture of her right medial sesamoid bone during a recent slip-and-fall accident, is just not sure if she's using...
United Airlines Blames Violent Confrontation on Anesthesia
CHICAGO, IL - After two days of unsatisfying answers from United Airlines regarding the violent extrication of a passenger from its Chicago-to-Louisville flight, CEO Oscar Munoz has said in a new message to his...
Updated 2016 Code Constipation Algorithm
BALTIMORE, MD - Let’s face it: constipation is evil. As healthcare providers, there is nothing more crucial than identifying constipation in a patient between the hours of 10 PM and 6 AM when he...
Breaking: Intern Can’t Hold It, Pees on Self
INDIANAPOLIS, IN - Unable to speak up and hold his bladder any longer on morning rounds, surgical intern Chris McElroy decided to pee all over himself in embarrassing albeit satisfying glory.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." he moaned while rolling...
CDC Recommends Against Licking Eyeballs
ATLANTA, GA - Say it isn't so! The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has just announced that it cannot and will not recommend against the licking of eyeballs, thus delivering a devastating...
Cardiologist Excited to Cath Winner of Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest
CONEY ISLAND, NY - Less than 24 hours away from the annual Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest on the Coney Island boardwalk, Mount Sinai cardiologist Maxine Richter is absolutely giddy with emotion as she...
Breaking: Nice Patients Added to Endangered Species List
WASHINGTON, DC - In a move suggesting they are likely to become extinct unless something more is done to save them for future generations, the National Academy of Medicine (NAM; formerly known as the Institute...
Old as F**k Attending Tells Team Story Called “When I Was an Intern…”
LOS ANGELES, CA - In a story to make our current generation of residents and interns roll their eyes so hard they'll require ophthalmology to reverse the damage, Gomerblog has learned that old-as-f**k internal medicine...
