Actors Who Played TV Doctors Offered Honorary Medical Degrees, Can’t Afford Them
BOSTON, MA - Esteemed actors Hugh Laurie (House, M.D.), Zach Braff (Scrubs), and George Clooney (ER), known for their masterful portrayals of physicians on long-running acclaimed TV shows, were all singled out for high...
July Interns Play Crucial Role During Cardiac Arrest by Whimpering, Sucking Own Thumb
ROCKFORD, IL - Fresh-faced July intern Becky Anderson proved to be the most crucial health care provider present during a cardiopulmonary arrest called at approximately 8 PM last night on one of the floors...
Medical Students Horrified to Learn That All Patients Die, Eventually
PHARMA, OH - A lone tear splashed to the floor, followed by a steady trickle as the residents tried to console the sobbing medical students. "We saved his life," whimpered one snot-faced student. "By the end...
Newly Promoted General Surgeon’s Business Cards, A Little Too True
LOS ANGELES, CA – UCLA’s newly promoted general surgeon, Assistant Professor William Heffner, just received his updated business cards today. An unfortunate error in spacing caused much controversy. Due to the lack of room...
Med Student Gunners Ousted from Lecture Hall Front Row
LOS ANGELES, CA – As with most medical school classes, unofficial "assigned" seats in lecture halls becomes the norm after a few weeks of classes. UCLA medical school was no different. In typical fashion,...
Recently Accepted Medical Student Bombarded by Medical Questions
ST. LOUIS, MO – 22-year-old Jennifer Wilson found out 2 weeks ago that she was accepted into medical school. “I was elated!” screamed Wilson. “I had been running out to the mailbox every day...
Hospital Quarantine Ended After Horrifying Smell from Post-Call Resident Deemed ‘Non-Toxic’
FAR ROCKAWAY, NY - A 24-hour quarantine of 18 medical students and 15 interns was called off after CDC officials confirmed that the fumes experienced at rounds this morning in fact came from a...
Hospital Medical Student Parking Lot Moved to Neighboring State
PORTLAND, ME - Parking has become a major issue at Maine Medical Center in Portland. Hospital administrator Angela Stevens had to find a solution quickly. "We have patients and employees not being able to find...
Medical Student Applicant Gets a 23T for MCAT Score, Stresses the T During Interviews
MONTPILIER, VT - Nathanial Monson, who goes by Nathanial for pretentious purposes, scored a 23T on the Medical College Admission Test (MCAT). The MCAT is a four-part test designed to thin the heard of...
New Littmann Stethoscope Allows You to Hear One’s Thoughts
ST. PAUL, MN - Manufacturer 3M has released a new Littman Mind-Reading I Stethoscope for health care practitioners to help diagnose someone else’s thoughts, instincts, and motivations, and promises to do so with superior...
