BURLINGTON, VT – University of Vermont first-year medical student, Eugene Simmond, was seen again trolling the halls of the undergraduate library on Thursday afternoon. This was the fifth spotting in just a week, and to top it off, Simmond had just finished his final exams last week. Mr. Simmons was dressed in new freshly pressed blue scrubs with a shiny cardiac stethoscope placed around his neck and a pager on his left hip.
Simmond has to actually walk over two miles through campus, just to get to the undergraduate library, even though the medical school library is next door to his apartment. Sources say Simmond doesn’t mind the walk, and actually enjoys sauntering through campus smiling at multiple undergrads.
Several witnesses at the library actually saw him use a cell phone in what appears to be calls to page himself. “I saw him dial a bunch of numbers on his phone, but he didn’t talk to anybody. Thirty seconds later his pager was going off like an annoying alarm clock.”
Law student, Melanie Stenson had this opinion of Mr. Simmons. “Wow, what a tool. I mean, we all know he isn’t in his clinical rotations yet, so why is he in scrubs in the library? Last time I checked, the anatomy lab was miles from here. And, why does he have a stethoscope around his neck? This is a library, not a hospital.”
“Obviously he is trying too hard,” another undergraduate student, Tom Conners stated. “What a douche. I mean does he really think these stunts actually work in 2014 for picking up women?”
Simmond could not be reached for comment before he was spotted leaving the library with three unidentified females, likely pre-medical students for whom he told he could write letters of recommendation. His pager simultaneously went off upon entering the car.
