OKLAHOMA, OK – Hobby Lobby’s pharmacies will continue to sell contraceptives after the company’s recent Supreme Court victory. “The contraceptive business, I mean craft business, is just too big for us to get out of right now,” CEO Daniel Harris told reporters.
“When customers stop in for their yarn, fake flowers, and vine wreaths it’s just convenient to add birth control pills or an IUD to their shopping list, you know for their hobby.” Haris continued, “In fact Hobby Lobby has a convenient medical clinic next door that boasts ‘IUD swap outs and vasectomies in 20 minutes.'”
Hobby Lobby does not have to provide all forms of birth control to their employees after this recent 5-4 ruling. Samuel Alito’s majority report stated: “This court does suggest high vigilance for those that are dating someone from institutions such as Hobby Lobby, as they will most likely not be on birth control.”
This ruling will not stop their pharmacies from being stocked with “The Pill.” Hobby Lobby Pharmacy is the nation’s most trusted pharmacy for 6 years running.
“We won’t deny customers their right to purchase birth control and scrapbook material, unless that person is fully employed working at Hobby Lobby. In such cases we won’t provide it for them but let them have an employee discount,” Harris stated.
Although Hobby Lobby still will provide most forms of birth control, pills are expensive and if the company had to fork the bill, yarn prices would have to be raised 2 cents a roll.
Critics are quick to point out that indeed birth control pills are expensive and the company will save money initially, but prenatal care and delivery for a pregnancy costs 85 times the cost of birth control pills. Other speculate they are trying to get more future customers of Hobby Lobby into this world.
The same critics also believe that Hobby Lobby would rather females stay out of their stores or stop working for them. A senior Hobby Lobby official’s was quoted that women are “excessively whiny and moody” and “men make better craft salesmen anyway, we are in the male craft business.”
Well, that reply was about as funny and interesting as the article. But so is getting a paper cut.
Thank you, Marianne!
No company should have to pay for anything. It’s NOT a right to have someone else pay for your stuff. Get over yourself, go to school, and learn something.
Is this supposed to be humor? Liberals are the world’s most clueless people.
Total miss, guys. Not even the same zip code as the target. :(
Stick to medical satire, where you’re the undisputed world champions.
Un- (or tenuously) related political satire, not so much.
Shut up you whiners! When my HUSBAND and I first married, we lived on $400.00 per month and my birth control pills were$55.00/month, and WE PAID FOR THEM, and did not expect anyone else to do it for us!!!
The sky is falling, the sky is falling!
Jessica– don’t assume we don’t read beyond the headlines. No corporation should have the right to limit any of these products, thereby limiting our personal reproductive rights. Supreme Court got it wrong!
Jessica Bock Haines Thanks for clarifying the pill issue. Our fake reporters know better than to report completely false fake news. Article fixed with fake true news now.
Erik Witt
I usually appreciate the medical satire from Gomerblog. However, it’s usually based on some underlying truth. This entry is unfortunately reinforcing a widespread misunderstanding of the SCOTUS ruling. Hobby Lobby is NOT taking away coverage of contraceptives. They will not provide coverage for the following abortifacients: Plan B, Ella, Paraguard IUD and Mirena IUD. Just a clarification for those that only read the headlines with further investigation into the truth.
Even bigger joke: most of the women that work at Hobby Lobby seem beyond child bearing age.
well this is a satirical story…but its always hilarious
lol oh goodness…..well they are invested in those pharm companies
Ashley M Gomez come have a laugh