Med Student Rotating in ER Always Seems to Pick Up a Chart Requiring a Pelvic Exam

DETROIT, MI – Third-year medical student Ronny Wilkerson can’t believe the number of pelvic exams that he is performing on his clinical rotation in the ER.

er medical charts
Another pelvic exam!!

As in many ERs, the patient’s charts are placed in a folder as they are checked in.  Medical students are told to just pick the top chart as to not cherry pick the patients that they want to see.  This promotes “maximal learning potential.”

“I would say at least 50% of the charts I pick up require a pelvic exam,” stated Wilkerson suspiciously.  “I mean what are the odds when only 8% of the total female patients coming into the ER end up requiring a pelvic exam?”  He also notes that if it is not a pelvic exam the patient needs, the rest are in need of rectal exams.

Despite performing multiple pelvic exams, he still fumbles on what he should say.  “I still say I’m going to touch you down there.  I can’t believe I’m saying it as it is coming out.  I must sound like a creep!”

A nurse reported she had to leave the room when Ronny told a male patient, “Sir, please take down your pants, I need to put my finger in your butthole.”  She was seen in tears heading to the chart pile.  “Hey, Ronny, I have your next one here, bwaa!”

“Statistically speaking, this is amazing how the top chart for me has led to such a high rate of pelvic exams,” said Wilkerson.  “I know the EM residents and attendings would follow the rules that they set and only take the top chart.  They wouldn’t dare sift through charts to avoid these exams, right?”

When Wilkerson wasn’t fumbling around with pelvic and rectal exams, he was busy with male STD checks, alcoholics, pain medication seekers, and pediatric rash patients.

“Boy, this is nothing like ER on TV,” Wilkerson muttered, while taking a fresh urine sample to the laboratory.