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SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Surgeons, internists, and health care practitioners alike are stunned by a recent operative or op note left by podiatrist Tony McImprov this afternoon.  It wasn’t so much that the incision and drainage (I&D) of a right foot abscess was performed with success.  It was the fact that it was done using a sauce spoon, potato peeler, and other kitchen utensils.

potato peeler“We ran out of the usual equipment,” said McImprov, laughing about his predicament during a post-op interview.  Thankfully, he is quick thinker.  “Oddly enough, all we could find around the OR [operating room] were these kitchen items.  Don’t ask me how they got there.  So I figured, why not?  When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade.  Something like that, right?”

GomerBlog obtained this excerpt from McImprov’s op note:

“… an incision was made from the base of the hallux to the medial arch using a serrated bread knife.  Necrotic subcutaneous tissue extending to the flexor tendon was noted after prying carefully with a fish spatula and sauce spoon.  Deep tissue cultures were obtained with a potato peeler, spork, and two measuring spoons (½ tsp and ¾ tsp).  Chopsticks, asparagus tongs, and a can opener were used to resect all necrotic tissue down to good healthy bleeding tissue, which was liberally salted.  No bony involvement was noted.  The flexor tendon was kept intact and secured with twine.  The wound was flushed with a marinade of garlic, ginger, and soy sauce…”

The patient is doing well and is recovering in the Post-Anesthesia Care Unit (PACU).

“I’ve seen the Food Network series Chopped,” said baffled but impressed general surgeon Amanda Wright.  “But this takes it to a whole other level!”  Wright added that one day she hopes to repair a perforated duodenal ulcer with the use of such kitchen items like a cast-iron skillet, mortar and pestle, and an oyster knife.

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Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.
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