pregnant doctor

Orthopaedic Surgery Program to Offer ‘Fast Track Mommy Option’ for Young, Fertile Minds

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LEXINGTON, KY – In an effort to attract young, bright, fertile minds, University of Kentucky Orthopaedic Surgery Residency Program is now offering a “Fast Track Mommy Option (FTMO).”

“Everyone knows women in medicine only want to have babies, and eventually work part time,” says male director, and faux hawk supporter,  Dr. Jim Hunt, “so this program prepares her for both.”

Intern year begins with a modified “ovulation call schedule,” ensuring that the busy interns have plenty of opportunities to get busy with it. Additionally, call rooms are stocked with scented mood candles, massage oils, ovulation kits, and pregnancy tests.  There are “DO NOT DISTURB, BABY MAKING IN PROGRESS,” signs as indicated.

After the resident is pregnant, care will be taken to ensure that she is given additional potty breaks during long, complicated surgeries, and will be provided with complimentary medium grade compression stockings.  “It’s like Christmas in October,” said one pregnant resident who particularly appreciated the elastic waist banded scrub pants to accommodate her expanding bundle of joy.

After she goes into labor, or her water breaks in the OR, the surgical resident may enjoy the evening off from work.  One interested medical student exclaimed, “I am looking at the top ortho programs all across the country, but this is just such an amazing opportunity!” She continued, “How can I walk away from a program that guarantees I get the night off when I go into labor?”

The resident is then given a generous 6 weeks off for maternity leave.  When prompted if the time is long enough, Dr. Hunt explained, “It only takes a few days for new mothers to get used to the demands of a new baby.  By 6 weeks, breastfeeding should be established, and the baby should be sleeping through the night.  It’s the perfect time to return to work.”

When returning to work, residents in the FTMO program will enjoy special infant carriers designed for baby wearing and breastfeeding in the OR.  If the mother prefers, she may have a prelim surgery intern watch her baby during the day, and take advantage of the hospital-grade breast pumps with hands-free design allowing her hands to be free to operate fancy surgical equipment to make her “feel like a big, strong man.”

Highlights of the specially-designed curriculum include: how to answer a page with baby crying hysterically in the background, how to study for exams with a toddler using a highlighter to color the living room walls, and what to expect when you are unexpectedly expecting twins.

In preparation for life as an attending, instruction is also provided on how to schedule surgeries around kids’ school performances, how to answer children’s questions about why mommy works so much while the other neighborhood mommies stay home in their yoga pants, and how to place orders using Amazon Prime.

If successful, the Fast Track Mommy Option will completely change the way Mommies in residency are trained.  “Everyone knows mothers can multitask, and are extremely efficient.  They should easily be able to complete a 5-year program in 18 months,” explains Dr. Hunt.  “Especially if they are only going to work part time, and make half as much as their male counterparts.”

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  • Dr. Amy G. Dala

    Dr. Amy G. Dala spends her days trying to save the children from The Google, Jenny McCarthy, and unnecessary head CTs. She works because the alternative—being a stay-at-home mother to her several young tyrants—is much scarier. Follow her @AmyGDalaMD.

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