MORRISON, CO – Charlotte Mary Jayne, a spunky 9-year-old girl in Colorado, is making history by running the most successful lemonade stand ever, grossing two million dollars her opening weekend.
Sparked by the recent interest in marijuana for treatment of childhood epilepsy, Charlotte opened a neighborhood stand featuring freshly extracted cannabidiol (CBD) and freshly-squeezed lemonade. And the profits are pouring in.
Federal law prohibits shipping marijuana across state lines, so parents from across the United States have flocked to Charlotte’s stand. “We are desperate for treatment for our children,” an anonymous mother told GomerBlog, “and are not satisfied with the carefully designed, closely monitored, and completely legal clinical trials already underway to study CBD and epilepsy.”
She was originally inspired to open a lemonade stand after her parents refused to shell out several hundred dollars for the Star Wars Lego Death Star. Her uncle, Dr. Oz, gave her the idea to sell CBD as well.
In addition to epilepsy, Dr. Oz reports CBD oil, which does not contain the hallucinogenic properties or “high” of THC, is effective for multiple sclerosis, spasticity, nausea, vomiting, chronic pain, depression, anxiety, weight loss, migraine, cancer, gluten-intolerance, gout, heart attack, sepsis, renal failure, portal hypertension, abdominal aortic aneurysm, and Ebola.
After spending her first million purchasing Star Wars Legos, Charlotte plans to use the remaining profits to fund additional epilepsy research.
When asked what she wants to be when she grows up, Charlotte explains: “I wanna be in healthcare, make people feel better, look fancy, and make lots of money. So, I want to work for pharma! Or be on T.V. like Uncle Oz!”
The Leaf & Lemonade stand will be open from 2-4 PM on Saturdays and Sundays. Prices available upon request. The brownies are free.