ELK GROVE, IL – With the winter travel season approaching, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) issued a much-anticipated new policy statement regarding children and screen time: the more, the merrier. Faced with pressure from organizations including Parents Against Talking to Their Children, No We’re Not F*cking There Yet, and Seriously, We’re Not There Yet We Just Left Our Driveway, the AAP was forced to reexamine its current media policy.
“Children and teens should engage with entertainment media for no more than one or two hours per day, and that should be high-quality content,” was just unrealistic for traveling parents’ sanity. It can take one to two hours just to get out of downtown Chicago.
Now, parents can feel comfortable plugging in their kids’ devices for as long as the trip lasts, or until an unfortunate out-of-power incident followed by a callosal toddler meltdown occurs.
Dr Julia Love, pediatric cardiothoracic surgeon and mother of three, applaudes the AAP’s new unlimited screen time policy. “I’d rather perform a Norwood procedure on a 10 kg baby, than play Mad Libs with my son one more flippin’ time. ‘Poop’ and ‘penis’ cannot be the only nouns he knows!”
The AAP also lifted its zero-tolerance policy for screen time in infants and children under two years of age. “A child’s brain develops rapidly during these first years, and young children learn best by interacting with people, not screens. But during times of travel, babies’ and toddlers’ brains develop best when parents don’t want to leave their screaming children at random roadside rest stops.”
Happy travels, fellow parents!