Pediatricians rejoice as Big Pharma Pharmaceutics of the previously rejected “HalBlow,” introduce VaxBlow, an infant and child-sized blowdart for administering vaccines. The dart is set to launch in National Parks throughout the country this week.
“Let’s be honest, antivax parents aren’t hanging around the pediatrician’s office, waiting to be targets for the VaxBlow,” creator Dr. Max Shots explains. “But they do frequent National Parks. Well, and indie coffee shops and baby wearing stores, but those seemed harder to infiltrate.” Now pediatricians for a generous extra 5 cents per child, will spend the day lurking in the parks, waiting for unsuspecting, unvaccinated babies to stroll by. And BAM!, vaccines now up-to-date. Pediatricians walk away richer, the real reason they administer vaccinations.
Proponents of VaxBlow include the Centers for Disease Control and the American Academy of Pediatrics. According to the CDC: “We are disappointed it’s had to come to this, but we are tired of seeing babies in the United States in the year 2016, die from measles, pertussis, and haemophilus. Seriously, it’s tragic. So, blowdarts it is!”
Opponents of VaxBlow, called BlowOffs assert that vaccines administered without their consent via a sharp medicated dart flying across the air infringes on their religious liberty to expose their beloved children to less dangerous things, such as tetanus and smallpox.