non organic juice

Family Sues Hospital for Giving Child Non-Organic Juice Following Life-Saving Procedure

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Heather and John Glutyn-Free are seeking legal damages after their 8-year-old daughter, Juniper, received non-organic apple juice during her recent hospitalization.

non organic juiceJuniper presented with mental status changes following a bicycle injury. Hospital emergency room doctors and neurosurgeons acted quickly, performing a life-saving evacuation of her epidural hematoma.  After her procedure, and protracted PICU stay where she remained in critical condition for several days, Juniper was successfully extubated and transferred to the floor.  She then allegedly received her “horrible care compromising her safety and well-being” when she was given a small box of hospital-grade, non-organic apple juice.

“It is an outrage that a modern hospital is still providing such garbage to our children,” Mrs. Glutyn-Free asserts.  “We need this madness to stop.”  She continued, stating the hospital in question almost gave her child an individually wrapped “bag of artificial, GMO-filled crap” know as Goldfish crackers.  Until she stepped in and saved the day.

The hospital would not release an official statement, except to say they are investigating the matter.  An unnamed source close to the family said the father was seen at a nearby McDonald’s during his daughter’s hospitalization, a fact that might be damning to their case.

Juniper’s accident occurred while she was riding her bike without a helmet.  Her parents are staunch anti-helmet proponents, as they feel a government and corporate conspiracy are behind the current helmet requirements.  “We, as parents, need to decide what is best for our children,” Mr. Glutyn-Free contends.  He adds, in a whisper inaudible to his wife, “But, PLEASE continue to save my daughter’s life when we need you!  Thanks a million!”

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