NEW YORK, NY – Researchers at North American Science & Technology of Yuck (NASTY) released reports today confirming the nastiest place to eat in the hospital is over a computer keyboard. Thousands of locations were analyzed, including toilet seats, OR floors, resident call rooms, and even patients’ panniculus where a panini sandwich was found, and all were cleaner than the computer keyboards.
Keyboards most commonly tested positive for E. coli, C. diff, Ebola, West Nile virus, and MRSA. Addition-ally, the keyboards were also covered in p**sy fluid. No wait, that’s purulent discharge. Left over food particles, including entire Chipotle burritos, were also found inside the keys.
The NASTY report recommended hospital employees should not be consuming meals anywhere near keyboards. However, hospital administrators believe a sanctioned lunch break in an approved area would interfere with practitioners seeing 100 patients per day. Hospitalist Dr. Henry Hungry tells the GomerBlog team he isn’t particularly bothered by the report. “I’ll continue scarfing down my lunch while completing electronic charting because, oh wait! Did you say the hospital toilet is cleaner than the keyboard? Perfect! I’ll multitask while eating my lunch in there instead.”