Dr. Seuss’ Scrambled Brains & Jam

scrambled brains

That Sam I Am
That Sam I Am
I will not see that consult, ER man.
I will not see him, Sam I Am.

I will not see him here or there,
I will not see him anywhere.
I will not see mental status changes, man,
I will not see him, Sam I Am.

Not in the scanner,
Not on the floor,
Not in the lab,
Nor in the OR.

I will not see confusion, ma’am.
I will not see her, Sam I Am.

Not with a student,
Not with an NP,
There is no reason,
No reason to see.

I will not see pseudoseizures, damn.
I will not see them, Sam I Am.
Listen to you, so you say?
Listen to the consult, and you’ll go away?

Fine, tell me your jam,
And I will see him, Sam I Am.

What? They cannot move right side.
Aphasia, prosopagnosia? Why didn’t you say?
Abnormal MRI/MRA?
I will be there right away.

I will see them, fast as I can.
I will consult, Sam I Am.

I will see him anywhere,
And I will see him every day.
What are you waiting for?
Just get the TPA!

Just don’t call me for all the other stuff,
And I will see consults and not be so gruff.
I will see the scrambled brains and jam,
I will see them, Sam I Am.