Breaking: Injuries Soar as Parents Push Tiny Toddlers Through Black Friday Crowds

  • 136
    Shares

WALMART, USA Recently renamed “Black & Blue Friday” in response to an increasing number of deal-grabbing related injuries, pediatricians across the country are also feeling the impact. Kids’ injuries break records as parents push their agile children into the action.

A common strategy called “The Toddler Takeoff” involves launching pint-sized tots over crowds of adults waiting in line. The tikes, adorably landing in the front, then purchase 15 flat-screens. ER attending, Dr. Karen Kiddo, warns this method is associated with big ouchies, broken tibulas, and scary boo boos.

"Go get me that flat screen, Jack!"
“Go get me that flat screen, Jack!”

Another popular strategy involves placing a backpack tether on kids, sending them in squeezing through the crowds. Then, when the child has grabbed the coveted item, parents can yank on the leash, pulling them back to safety and scoring a new MacBook. Pediatricians warn this method may result in breaking of the leash, leaving kids stranded in mobs of deal-hungry adults. So experts suggest labeling children, to insure return to the correct family. Unless, of course, it’s time to trade those kids in for newer, fresher, cleaner models.

image_pdfimage_print
  • Dr. Amy G. Dala

    Dr. Amy G. Dala spends her days trying to save the children from The Google, Jenny McCarthy, and unnecessary head CTs. She works because the alternative—being a stay-at-home mother to her several young tyrants—is much scarier. Follow her @AmyGDalaMD.

  • Show Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like

Mother Earth Paris Accord hospice

With Plug Pulled on Paris Accord, Planet Earth Eligible for Hospice

3.3KSharesTHIRD PLANET, SOLAR SYSTEM – Hours after the world learned of the United States’ ...

Bicyclist Doctor Dons Scrubs Plastered with Advertising and Sexy Cute Buttpads

598SharesDr. Javier Dorfmann has perennially unfulfilled fantasies about competing in the Tour de France.  ...

Doula Organization Claims Medical Legitimacy

328SharesSAN DIEGO, CA – Craig Hartford, spokesman for the Doula Association of Southern California (DASC), ...