Daft Punk
“We’re up all night to get antibiotics”

PARIS, FRANCE – Known for their repeated declarations of “We’re up all night to get lucky,” French electronic music duo Daft Punk have unfortunately just got unlucky as they left their doctor’s office with new diagnoses of gonorrhea and HSV.  Their doctor, Brian Wilson, explains.  “The two came in, their helmets and genitals covered in sores.  They apparently said to a love interest, ‘The present has no ribbon, your gift keeps on giving, what is this I’m feeling?’  Turns out that feeling was burning with urination and urethral discharge.”  Daft Punk have been treated with a one-time dose of ceftriaxone, given prescriptions for acyclovir, and were reminded one more time about the use of condoms.  Gomerblog reached out to the duo, who said they’ll be back “harder better faster stronger” since “We’ve come too far to give up who we are.”  It is still unclear how Daft Punk will take their antibiotics through their headgear.

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.