WASHINGTON, DC – As President-elect Donald Trump assembles his new White House team, sources confirm his appointment of fellow reality television star Dr. Mehmet Oz as Surgeon General.
The Surgeon General of the United States serves as the nation’s leading spokesperson on important matters of public health, such as diet pills, miracle cures, and homeopathic remedies. Trump understands the critical importance of surrounding himself with experts such as Dr. Oz since, “No one knows this stuff better than the great and powerful Dr. Oz. No one. He’s the best. He’s ‘UGE.”
Dr. Oz’s first order of business will be to address America’s growing obesity epidemic by adding green coffee extract to the public water supply. Next he will combat the extremely frightened epidemic of aging with magic creams and scrubs to Make America Exfoliate Again.
Lastly, and most importantly, Dr. Oz says he will give millions of America’s hope by “telling them what the establishment doesn’t want to hear: that their answers are not only the answers, and their medicine is not the only medicine. And, here, buy this supplement!”