racehorse peeing Lasix

Kentucky Derby, Tired of Pathetic 2-Minute Performance, Busted for Viagra Use

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LOUISVILLE, KY – Weary of being referred to as “the most exciting 2 minutes in sports,” the Kentucky Derby was busted this week for attempting to use Viagra to enhance performance. Officials at the Derby grew suspicious at the 30-minute mark when all the horses were still going strong. After 4 hours on the soggy track, they needed to seek medical attention.

“I’ve seen a lot of horses limping across that finish line,” Hall of Fame Jockey Pat Day tells GomerBlog, “and this was completely different. Those horses could have been ridden all night long!”

This year’s Derby sponsor, KY Jelly, denies any involvement in providing performance enhancing drugs. “We cannot support or condone the actions of the Derby to prolong performance. As always, we were hoping for a smooth, uninterrupted run.”

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  • Dr. Amy G. Dala

    Dr. Amy G. Dala spends her days trying to save the children from The Google, Jenny McCarthy, and unnecessary head CTs. She works because the alternative—being a stay-at-home mother to her several young tyrants—is much scarier. Follow her @AmyGDalaMD.

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