New Attending Receives First Paycheck, Transforms into Fully Developed Republican
WATERLOO, IA – Shortly after receiving his first paycheck, Trent Perry, a physician in his first year of practice, finally emerged from his cocoon of liberalism as a fully developed Republican. When asked to comment on his new political identity, Perry responded, “I feel great! I don’t know why half my hard earned money has to go to Uncle Sam’s pocket, but other than that, I feel great!”
Perry had spent his medical school and residency years slowly constructing his liberal shell with fervent support for alternative energy and diatribes against exorbitant CEO salaries. However, once he graduated medical school with a six-figure debt, he began the slow growth toward conservatism with every income-based repayment application he submitted to the federal government.
As Perry entered his last year of residency, he continued to maintain his staunch liberalism. With a strong sense of indocrinated self-righteousness, the soon-to-be Republican was still able to block out all patriotism and infatuation with the U.S. Constitution. However, once his first paycheck arrived, Perry immediately burst forth from the darkness of his left-leaning den and into the world as a fully-developed Republican.
Trent’s friends and family have noticed the difference. “He started going to church and talking more about ‘the fabric of society’,” states his mother, Betty.
Perry has taken up several new hobbies since his transformation, most notably reading the Wall Street Journal and pulling himself up by his bootstraps.