Mary Eaton, MD, soon to be graduating colorectal fellow at University Memorial Hospital, had the epiphany last week that she actually hates poop. Per Dr. Eaton:
“I was seeing my fifteenth patient in the fecal incontinence clinic and had my finger up yet another butt and it smelled awful. Then the patient very understandably lost control of his bowels and ruined yet another pair of my shoes.”
Leaving the patient bent over, she immediately exited the room and quit her fellowship. According to Dr. Eaton, this had been building for many years.
“I tried convincing myself that the smell of poop and poop itself didn’t gross me out. It never seemed to bother any of my attendings or any of the other residents. I was holding my breath for most of those cases and the vaporub never seemed to help. I even applied for and matched into this fellowship, did it for two years, and I’ve finally had it!”
While most general surgeons pride themselves on their ability to handle smells of any variety (especially fecal material) Dr. Eaton demurred, saying:
“Listen, this is my life. Those other guys can wade around in feces as much as they want. I can’t stand it anymore and can’t live a lie. I decided as a kid that I hate eating bananas, so I haven’t had a banana in 30 years. I’m an adult trying to convince myself that I like poop. To hell with it, I’m going to do breast fellowship and smell nice for once in my life!”