CINCINNATI, OH – Family members rushed Tom T. Urke to the local emergency room Thanksgiving evening after he was found unresponsive on a living room recliner, not revived with a generous dose of thoughts and prayers. Several attempts were made by first responders to wake him, including giving him Narcan, which works for pretty much everyone in Ohio. Finally, the astute emergency room doctors diagnosed him with an extremely serious case of “food coma.”
Dr. Kit Amien tells the Gomerblog team, “What first caught our attention were the stuffing crumbs all over his beard. When we performed a more thorough exam, we noted three different types of stuffing, and some corn bread as well. It was unbelievable! Then we drew his blood, which was basically just pure gravy with sky high levels of tryptophan, and his urine was spiked cider. That’s when we realized we were dealing with a severe case of food coma.”
He was admitted to the ICU because no one gets admitted to neurology on a day of the week ending in “Y,” where he is reportedly in critical condition. Treatment consists of IV infusion of organic, non-GMO, gluten-free kale while someone whispers “pumpkin pie time” in his ear. Over 99.9% of food coma patients respond to this therapy and wake up ready for some more!
Happy Thanksgiving to all celebrating, and extra warm thoughts to those spending their holiday covering the hospital.