Man in Critical Condition with Thanksgiving Food Coma, Kale Infusion Only Hope

  • 2K
    Shares

CINCINNATI, OH  Family members rushed Tom T. Urke to the local emergency room Thanksgiving evening after he was found unresponsive on a living room recliner, not revived with a generous dose of thoughts and prayers.  Several attempts were made by first responders to wake him, including giving him Narcan, which works for pretty much everyone in Ohio.  Finally, the astute emergency room doctors diagnosed him with an extremely serious case of “food coma.”

Mmmmm, more bacon-wrapped turkey legs, please!

Dr. Kit Amien tells the Gomerblog team, “What first caught our attention were the stuffing crumbs all over his beard.  When we performed a more thorough exam, we noted three different types of stuffing, and some corn bread as well.  It was unbelievable!  Then we drew his blood, which was basically just pure gravy with sky high levels of tryptophan, and his urine was spiked cider.  That’s when we realized we were dealing with a severe case of food coma.”

He was admitted to the ICU because no one gets admitted to neurology on a day of the week ending in “Y,” where he is reportedly in critical condition.  Treatment consists of IV infusion of organic, non-GMO, gluten-free kale while someone whispers “pumpkin pie time” in his ear.  Over 99.9% of food coma patients respond to this therapy and wake up ready for some more!

Happy Thanksgiving to all celebrating, and extra warm thoughts to those spending their holiday covering the hospital.

image_pdfimage_print
  • Show Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like

New Study Shows Father’s Breast Milk Improves Babies’ Intelligence over Mother’s Breast Milk

1.4KSharesDENVER, CO – AstraZeneca recently announced that its new drug, Milkaman, was approved by the FDA for ...

diabetes

Major Hospitals Caught in Diabetes Scandal

1.2KSharesSUGARVILLE, TX – The Hershey Memorial Hospital (HMH) has been cited in a nationwide investigation ...

Breaking: Surgeon Asks Anesthesia to Lower His Tray Table

2.1KSharesDELTA 291 – Citing numerous reasons why he couldn’t perform the maneuver by himself, passenger ...

pine bark extract

Doctor Holds Patient’s Pine Bark Extract, Family Furious

1.8KSharesKEARNEY, NE – In what can only described as a sh*tstorm, the family of 84-year-old ...

Lazy Eye Not Even Trying to See

141SharesTALLAHASSEE, FL – In an embarrassing show of pure slothfulness, the right eye of ...