Differentiating ACLs from ACLS: A Primer

ACLs make athletes happy, ACLS makes arthropods sad

GLOBO GYM, MA – Like most orthopods, I know a lot about ACLs. Unfortunately, I’m also required to take ACLS biennially. When my schedule said “ACLS” a few months ago, I presumed that I had multiple knee ligamentous reconstruction surgeries. I was sadly mistaken.

Much like an ACL surgery, there are many steps of ACLS that follow a fairly common pattern with various branch points and outcomes ranging from awesome to😪. After an ACL reconstruction, 👍and 😎are 98% and 96% more likely than after ACLS respectively.

ACLs make athletes happy, ACLS makes arthropods sad.

There are many differences;

ACLs are the most commonly injured ligament in the knee, ACLS is the most commonly failed test by Orthopaedic surgeons.

ACL tears commonly cause a painful knee effusion. ACLS failure commonly causes an embarrassed Orthopaedic surgeon retaking the class.

There are typically 40-70 NFL players who have their season ended by ACL failure. To my knowledge, there is only one NFL player to ever attempt ACLS Dr. Laurent Duvernay-Tardif  and he is currently on injured reserve. The number of Orthopaedic surgical careers ended by ACLS failure is unknown but too high if more than zero.

An ACL is not required for normal knee function for many adults especially lower demand individuals and those willing to wear a brace for all future athletic activities. ACLS is only required of orthopods by mean hospital administrators. Orthopaedic surgeons contribute chest compressions in codes. That’s about it.

ACL reconstruction is a common surgical procedure with approximately 100,000 performed annually in the US. ACLS test reconstruction is severely frowned upon by the American Heart Association and can result in disqualification from any further AHA certifications. .

You can function as an Orthopaedic surgeon without ACLs. Ditto for ACLS.

If you tear your ACL, you want an Orthopaedic surgeon performing your reconstruction. If you need ACLS you most definitely do NOT want an Orthopaedic surgeon in charge.

The ACL has sensory fibers that play a role in proprioception. An Orthopaedic surgeon has sensory fibers that are activated after failing ACLS.

An ACL failure and subsequent surgery takes over a year to fully recover from. An ACLS failure can take significantly longer dependent on the aggressiveness of your local anesthesia providers and their hurtful yet inaccurate jokes.

A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal
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