Friday, March 29, 2024

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surgeons

American College of Surgeons to Publish New “Because I Said So” or BISS-Based Medicine...

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WASHINGTON, DC - A press release today from the American College of Surgeons stated, “After years of putting up with the satanic nonsense known as evidence-based medicine, the surgeons of the world are in...

Updated 2015 ACLS Algorithm

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ACLS KEY BELOW: * Medical Team Confused as Patient Made DNR Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays ** Joint Commission Mandates Extensive Timeout Prior to Initiating CPR *** Product Review: Mattel’s Resuscitate Me Elmo **** New CPR Guidelines Recommend Switching Out...
respiratory therapist equipment

Respiratory Therapist Tom Brady Fired for Underinflating ET Tubes

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BOSTON, MA – Tom Brady, a veteran respiratory therapist at Foxboro Hospital, was fired yesterday as he was caught by an eyewitness underinflating endotracheal (ET) tubes of ICU patients. "After speaking with our eyewitness and conducting...
anesthesia resident

Anesthesia Resident Finishes Reading Entire Internet During Free Flap Surgery

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NEW YORK, NY – John Silk, a fourth-year anesthesiology resident at State Medical Hospital in New York, will now have his name immortalized in the annals of technological achievement with greats such as Bill...

Match Applicants Shocked to Find Med School Personal Statement Was Legally Binding

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In a stunning reversal of fortune, fourth-year medical students around the country are reacting to the shocking news that their medical school admission essays penned some four years prior were, in fact, legally-binding contracts...

Study: Length of Birth Plan Correlates to Length of C-Section Scar

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ST. LOUIS, MO - A new study just published in the latest Obstetrics and Gynecology Journal demonstrated that the longer a woman’s birth plan was, the greater the likelihood of her going for a...
anesthesia patient

PACU Institutes ‘No Repeat’ Policy

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CREST BUTTE, MT - The policy review committee at Nondenominational Faith Memorial Medical Center has instituted a “No Repeat” policy in their Post Anesthesia Care Unit (PACU).  The chairperson of the committee says that this...
Nurses must now wear reflective belts

Hospital Mandates Nurses Wear Yellow Safety Belts While Checking Out Pyxis Medications

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NORFOLK, VA - Hospital administrators want to crack down on medication errors and they are willing to go to any length to do it.  New studies show that many medication errors occur as nurses...
swat team elite HIPAA stormtroopers

Entire Hospital IT Department Being Placed into Protective Custody After ‘Upgrading’ EMR

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LOS ANGELES, CA - Yesterday evening, Have Mercy On Me Hospital in Los Angeles upgraded their electronic medical record (EMR) and what ensued can only be described as "utter chaos."  The entire hospital campus...
drinking alcohol

After Counseling Patient on Evils of Alcohol Abuse, Medical Team Leaves Work & Gets...

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ATLANTA, GA - A multidisciplinary inpatient team at Georgia Medical Center (GMC) spent thirty minutes at bedside warning their patient Doug Johansen of the many evils associated with alcohol abuse: mood disorders, gastritis and...