Dreaming Big: GI Doc Hopes to Reach Outer Space & Scope a Black Hole
SAN DIEGO, CA - Some of the biggest accomplishments ever made in medicine only came to fruition because passionate people were allowed to be dreamers. Gastroenterologist Randolph Wood is no exception. Beloved and considered...
Unprepared Patient Cramming for Tomorrow’s Rectal Exam
AUBURN, AL - Forever the procrastinator, nervous and unprepared patient Johnny Sanders has started cramming for tomorrow's rectal exam in the hopes he can pass.
"This happens to...
Ugh, Not Again: GI Lab Full of A**holes Today
ROCKFORD, IL - One local gastroenterology group is at wit's end as they realize that today is once again going to be like any other. Why? Because their GI lab, once again, is full...
Local Hospital Adds Overpriced Coffee to Patient Bowel Regimen Protocol with Fantastic Results
SEATTLE, WA - Seattle Memorial Hospital has dramatically reduced their rates of post-operative ileus and opioid-induced constipation by requiring that all patient bowel regimens include a daily tall Sixbucks coffee, dosed either PO or...
Tres Leches Cake Gives Lactose-Intolerant Patient Tres Diarreas
NEW YORK, NY - Telling Gomerblog that she can never ever deny her sweet tooth the chance at dessert no matter what the consequences, Linda McEwen justified why she had tres leches anyway well-knowing...
Guest Delighted to Meet Physician at Party, Discusses Medical Symptoms for a Soul-Crushing 45...
CHARLOTTE, NC - Last week at a cocktail party, a local woman was thrilled to learn that a another guest was a practicing internist. "I've got to meet him!" Sandy Rosenbleeth confided to her long-time...
Resident Tries G-Tube Feeds: ‘Really Not That Bad’
NEW YORK, NY – In a move sure to garner mixed reactions from colleagues and staff, second-year internal medicine resident Jon Paniagua opened a 1 Liter bag of Isosource 1.5, poured himself a glass,...
Maroon 5 Admitted to Hospital with 5 Maroon Stools
LOS ANGELES, CA - Maroon 5 is hospitalized at UCLA Medical Center after collectively experiencing 5 maroon-colored stools, including lead singer and NBC’s The Voice coach Adam Levine. Thankfully, all band members are in...
Song of the Diverticulite (Morphine on High at 3am)
All the bickering of which is best
The song, the canvass, the word, the marbled stone,
The rest
Pittance such luxury
Lacking any test
Pittance yes!
Void of existential quest
Ver-Sed, Ver-Sed
Who maketh thee?
Who taketh thee
And
Sedateth me?
Who bends me forward
to hit...
Breaking News: Fart of the Century Kills 50
ATLANTA, GA - In unsettling news from Atlanta University Hospital today, patient Timothy Flatus unleashed a fart at 9:45 PM last night so powerful and so toxic that it sent every man, woman, and...