Thursday, March 28, 2024

Gastroenterology

black hole

Dreaming Big: GI Doc Hopes to Reach Outer Space & Scope a Black Hole

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SAN DIEGO, CA - Some of the biggest accomplishments ever made in medicine only came to fruition because passionate people were allowed to be dreamers.  Gastroenterologist Randolph Wood is no exception.  Beloved and considered...

Unprepared Patient Cramming for Tomorrow’s Rectal Exam

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AUBURN, AL - Forever the procrastinator, nervous and unprepared patient Johnny Sanders has started cramming for tomorrow's rectal exam in the hopes he can pass. "This happens to...
colonoscopy

Ugh, Not Again: GI Lab Full of A**holes Today

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ROCKFORD, IL - One local gastroenterology group is at wit's end as they realize that today is once again going to be like any other.  Why?  Because their GI lab, once again, is full...
drinking coffee

Local Hospital Adds Overpriced Coffee to Patient Bowel Regimen Protocol with Fantastic Results

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SEATTLE, WA - Seattle Memorial Hospital has dramatically reduced their rates of post-operative ileus and opioid-induced constipation by requiring that all patient bowel regimens include a daily tall Sixbucks coffee, dosed either PO or...
Tres Leches

Tres Leches Cake Gives Lactose-Intolerant Patient Tres Diarreas

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NEW YORK, NY - Telling Gomerblog that she can never ever deny her sweet tooth the chance at dessert no matter what the consequences, Linda McEwen justified why she had tres leches anyway well-knowing...
Trapped physician

Guest Delighted to Meet Physician at Party, Discusses Medical Symptoms for a Soul-Crushing 45...

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CHARLOTTE, NC - Last week at a cocktail party, a local woman was thrilled to learn that a another guest was a practicing internist.  "I've got to meet him!" Sandy Rosenbleeth confided to her long-time...
feeding tube

Resident Tries G-Tube Feeds: ‘Really Not That Bad’

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NEW YORK, NY – In a move sure to garner mixed reactions from colleagues and staff, second-year internal medicine resident Jon Paniagua opened a 1 Liter bag of Isosource 1.5, poured himself a glass,...
pot of coffee

Maroon 5 Admitted to Hospital with 5 Maroon Stools

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LOS ANGELES, CA - Maroon 5 is hospitalized at UCLA Medical Center after collectively experiencing 5 maroon-colored stools, including lead singer and NBC’s The Voice coach Adam Levine.  Thankfully, all band members are in...

Song of the Diverticulite (Morphine on High at 3am)

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All the bickering of which is best The song, the canvass, the word, the marbled stone, The rest Pittance such luxury Lacking any test Pittance yes! Void of existential quest Ver-Sed, Ver-Sed Who maketh thee? Who taketh thee And Sedateth me? Who bends me forward to hit...
fart, CNN, Anderson Cooper

Breaking News: Fart of the Century Kills 50

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ATLANTA, GA - In unsettling news from Atlanta University Hospital today, patient Timothy Flatus unleashed a fart at 9:45 PM last night so powerful and so toxic that it sent every man, woman, and...