Thursday, March 28, 2024

Infectious Disease

Antibiotic Combination Pill Approved for All Pediatric Infections

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WASHINGTON, DC - Vancolinezodoxycillimyciflagylnox, brand named "Cureall," a combination pill developed by Amalgamated Pharmaceuticals containing all known oral antibiotics, was approved yesterday for pediatric infections after a review by the FDA.  The medication, indicated for...
vaccination

Breaking: Reports Emerge About An Uneventful MMR Vaccination

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ROCHESTER, NY - In what was internationally hailed as a medical first, doctors at Mount Saint Mary Mercy Hospital announced they are confident a child has survived the measles, mumps, rubella (MMR) vaccine without...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

Wow, That’s Bold: CDC Says ‘Zero People’ Will Catch the Flu This Year

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ATLANTA, GA - Exuding tremendous confidence, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has announced that it plans on pitching a no-hitter this coming 2017-2018 influenza, proclaiming that zero people will catch the...

Dr. Fauci Implores We All Watch Bob Ross on Infinite Loop Immediately

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Addressing a restless and concerned American public over COVID-19, Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID), recommends we all start watching Bob...
probiotics antibiotics

Probiotics, Antibiotics Battling for Supremacy in Man’s Intestines

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MAN'S SMALL BOWEL - For those who have been keeping score, it has been an absolute nail-biter as probiotics Lactobacillus & Bifidobacterium and antibiotics Levaquin & Flagyl battle for supremacy in this poor man's...

New York Outlaws MRSA

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ALBANY, NY - New York legislators recently passed a new law that outlaws MRSA (Methicillin-resistant Staph aureus) in the state of New York.  This new law will make it illegal for one to have MRSA...

FEMA to Distribute T-Rex Costumes to Hospitals Amidst PPE Shortages

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ATLANTA, GA – As America continues to take on the COVID-19 pandemic, hospitals across the country have been struggling to maintain adequate supplies of surgical masks, isolation gowns, N-95 masks, and powered air-purifying respirators...

PPE Shortage: TB Patient Tests Negative for COVID-19, Placed on Standard Precautions

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ARLINGTON, TX – Local hospital that struggles with personal protective equipment (PPE) shortage, decide to triage its usage among his health providers. To that end, an intubated patient with pulmonary tuberculosis was tested for...

Breaking: Bronx Zoo Tiger with COVID-19 Leaves Hospital AMA

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BRONX, NY - Nadia, a 4-year-old Amur tiger from the Bronx Zoo, who recently tested positive for COVID-19, has left the hospital against medical advice (AMA), per sources. She was admitted last night to an...

Nursing Home STDs on the Rise, and I Just Threw Up a Little in...

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ATHENS, GA - "Simply disgusting," was one man’s response to hearing about nursing home sexually-transmitted diseases (STDs) on the rise.  "A little warning, next time before just giving me that headline, please.  I honestly...