After Obesity is Classified as a Disease, Ralph Calls In Sick for the Fourth...
HOUSTON, TX – At United Data Centers Inc., a web development company, Ralph Summers has called in "sick" four times in the last month. The AMA has recently classified obesity as a disease and...
New Product “Doctor Sunshine” Helps Physicians Identify, Dismiss Dissatisfied Patients
DURHAM, NC - A startup company based in North Carolina's Research Triangle is growing exponentially and getting rave reviews from doctors due to its ability to find the unhappy and unrealistically dissatisfied patients on...
CDC Advises Robert De Niro To Be Sent To Jail Until Deemed Safe
ATLANTA, GA - Last week Robert De Niro pushed for the Andrew Wakefield (yes, that Wakefield) film Vaxxed to be screened. "We need to have the conversation about 'safe' vaccines." De Niro claims that we should have...
Hospital Coupons for Upcoming Black Friday Sale
With insurance companies tightening up their wallets and competition for patients heating up with the cross town rival, Kind Humanitarian Hospital Administrators had to get creative for Black Friday this year. Taking a page...
Work Holiday Party to Celebrate Another Year of Resignations, Broken Promises
FREEHOLD, NJ - CEO John Watkins of Freehold Medical Center is set to throw another epic end-of-the-year holiday party for his hospital and healthcare employees in an annual tradition of celebrating yet another year of...
Typo Accidentally Sends Doc to PubeMed Website, Not PubMed
BALTIMORE, MD - It took hospitalist Christopher Gray a few moments of staring at steady stream of pictures involving male and female genitalia to realize why his literature search went awry: a typo send him...
Daft Punk Gets Unlucky, Catches Gonorrhea
PARIS, FRANCE - Known for their repeated declarations of "We're up all night to get lucky," French electronic music duo Daft Punk have unfortunately just got unlucky as they left their doctor's office with...
‘I Can’t Afford These $4 Meds!’ Says Patient with iPhone 6s Plus (Gold) &...
ATHENS, GA - “I can’t afford these meds!” hospitalized patient Jason Redmond told his medical team, as he folded closed his 13-inch MacBook Air. Redmond was hospitalized at Athens Regional for chest pain ultimately found...
AMiON Scheduler To Be Replaced With A Simplified Text Saying ‘Yes’
NEWTON, MA - In a move aimed at reducing operative costs, Spiral software's administrative staff issued a statement according to which AMiON popular scheduler is to be replaced with a simplified "yes" text message.
Robert Kole,...
The Joint Commission on Satire Releases Consensus International Butthurt Scale
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - The Joint Commission on Satire (JCS) released the results of their 2nd annual meeting to include the first ever consensus International Butthurt Scale. “The prevalence and severity of butthurt on the...