Patient Discharged to Rehab to Acquire UTI
AUGUSTA, GA - Patient Larry Michelson is thrilled he will be going to subacute rehab today where, if everything goes according to plan, he will acquire a urinary tract infection (UTI) within the next...
God Makes Patient NPO After Midnight for Miracle in the Morning
HEAVENS ABOVE - According to Gomerblog cherubs close to the All Powerful, God has informed nursing staff at Garden of Eden Medical Center to make patient Allyson Gerber NPO after midnight in preparation for a...
Canadian Provinces Presenting to the Emergency Room
British Columbia: 43-year-old female worried she accidentally overdosed on Gingko baba when she took two times the amount on her way to yoga. Feeling tingly inside.
Alberta: 30-year-old male requesting medication refill for Ativan. Here...
Doctor Absolutely Crushes the Lung Exam This Morning
AUSTIN, TX - The patient's lungs never stood a chance. After some idle chit-chat about symptoms of dyspnea and wheeze, hospitalist Miguel Ruiz proceeded to dominate the lung exam and kick its sorry little ass...
Know Your Hospital Diets
It can be confusing telling apart all those different hospital diets, so here's a primer to break down some of the most common ones.
Clear Liquid Diet - This diet consists of transparent liquids: water,...
Mooch: G*ddamn Goals of Care Talk Went F**king Fabulous
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Former White House communications director Anthony "The Mooch" Scaramucci has told Gomerblog that an impromptu family meeting and "g*ddamn" goals of care discussion he ran earlier today went absolutely *f**king fabulous."
"If...
Medicine Resident Slaps Monitor Hoping V-Fib is Just Artifact
ATLANTA, GA - Implementing an often overlooked early step in the ACLS algorithm, third-year Emory University internal medicine resident Carrie-Ann Winslow slapped the monitor at the patient's bedside in the slim chance that the ventricular fibrillation (v-fib) is...
It Took Over 3 Years, But ICU Team Finally Finishes Untangling All Those Lines
SAN JOSE, CA - It took over 3 years and 7 months to do, but the intensive care unit (ICU) team at Holy Cross Hospital is ecstatic to report that it has finally untangled all...
Nurse Enters the Cave of Wonders, Finds Infamous Resident Genie
On her Saturday shift, Anne looked unusually ecstatic. This is the same Anne who usually has a frown on her face and is looking for reasons to tear the medical students and residents apart....