Chief Resident Regrets Decision to Serve Noodles During Lunchtime PowerPoint on Roundworms
ATLANTA, GA - “I have never seen so many people vomit their brains out at once,” said disappointed chief resident Frank Napoli as he...
Impoverished Village Featured in its 500th Medical School Admission Essay
MKUYUNI, MWANZA REGION, TANZANIA - A rural Tanzanian village is celebrating a major milestone today: being featured in its 500th medical school admission essay.
The village, with...
CDC Recommends 168 Hours of Extreme Exercise Per Week
ATLANTA, GA - Ready for a sweat, America? In a long overdue and much anticipated update to its 2008 Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans,...
Hospital Safety: Fire Marshall Bill Edition
Fire Marshall Bill Burns taught us valuable lessons in safety for 5 years. This one in the hospital was none other than the best....
Hospital Gnome Retiring ‘Very Happy with Life’s Work’
DALLAS, TX – Gergio, the hospital gnome assigned to Methodist Dallas Medical Center, called it quits on Friday. Over 20 years of disconnecting patient lines,...
Joint Commission Cites Itself as a Major Hindrance to Medical Care
CHICAGO, IL - This past Thursday, the Joint Commission officially cited itself as a major obstacle for patient care and safety. The Joint Commission released in...
European Society of Cardiology Recommends Aspirin Before World Cup Final Kickoff
MOSCOW, RUSSIA - Heeding the advice of the European Society of Cardiology (ESC) ahead of the 2018 FIFA World Cup Final at Luzhniki Stadium...
Meteorologists Developing Radars to Detect Black Clouds, White Clouds
ATLANTA, GA - In a new strategic partnership with Emory University, meteorologists at The Weather Channel (TWC) has pledged to push the boundaries of...
Major Setback! Scientists Haven’t Worked on Vaccine, Just Been Looking at COVID-19 Memes
ATLANTA, GA - At the CDC the nation has accumulated the world top-notch scientists to work on a Coronavirus Vaccine. After 2 months of...
Non-Confrontational Physician Reassures Patient That the Trichomonas Was Probably Just from a Toilet Seat
Not all physicians are great at breaking bad news. One perpetual waffler, Dr. Drew Stapleman, recently reassured his patient that the trichomonads infesting her...