Friday, March 29, 2024

News-in-Brief

Short Articles for Your Short Attention Span

bronies facebook

Medical Referral Placed to Bronies Facebook Group for Second Opinion

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HOUSTON, TX - 48-year-old Mark Wilkersten has been battling with bilateral knee pain for several years now.  After seeing his primary care doctor for chronic knee pain last week, he elected to take a...

Patients Cancel Colonoscopy Due to Diarrhea

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BOSTON, MA - Due to a local outbreak of a diarrheal illness that has been short lived, several of our planned colonoscopies have been cancelled this week, a local gastroenterology clinic announced. Mary Beth Olson,...

“Minions” Movie Linked to Rising Rates of Pediatric Hyperkalemia

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Emergency departments across the country have been seeing an alarming trend of rising rates of pediatric hyperkalemia since summer of last year.  Hyperkalemia, which means increased potassium in the body, can cause serious health...

After Obesity is Classified as a Disease, Ralph Calls In Sick for the Fourth...

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HOUSTON, TX – At United Data Centers Inc., a web development company, Ralph Summers has called in "sick" four times in the last month.  The AMA has recently classified obesity as a disease and...
Earth Day

Earth Day News: After 4.5 Billion Years, Earth Remains Full Code

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THIRD PLANET, SOLAR SYSTEM - After a two-hour long meeting with NASA’s palliative care service, Earth has decided to remain Full Code. “Hey now, I’m 4.5 billion years young and ain’t nothing gonna stop me,”...

Colon Loses It, Screams “OK, EVERYBODY OUT!”

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BELLY, HUMAN - Bowel uncharacteristically threw everyone out yesterday after a Mexican named Burrito arrived, according to Stomach.  "I've always thought Colon was an open-minded guy," said Stomach.  Stomach invited Burrito in and according...
navy ship

Newly’Appointed ‘Ebola Czar’ Quarantines Entire Navy After Learning Ebola Can Be Transmitted by Semen

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a bold first move since his recent appointment by President Obama as “Ebola Czar,” Ron Klain will quarantine the entire U.S. Navy after learning that the virus is readily carried in...
Fibro storm

Internal Medicine Resident Calls Rheumatology Fellow In at 2:00 AM for Fibromyalgia Patient “Fibro...

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KANSAS CITY, KS - “I was just tired of dealing with her,” internal medicine resident Dr. Kara Gifford said.  “She is allergic to every pain medication except Dilaudid; in fact she has 15 allergies!” It was...

Justin Timberlake: I’m Bringing Measles Baaaack

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Recently Justin Timberlake announced to the world that he is not planning to vaccinate his child.  Evidently all the scientific evidence looks different behind those sexy eyes.  Like other celebrity anti-vaxxers, Justin is so adamantly...
computer colonized keyboard

National Healthcare Crisis Solved in Blog Comment Section

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MADISON, WI - In a lesser-known EM Physician’s blog, found buried in the comment section, contains the solution to our nation’s healthcare crisis.  After the commentator’s rant to a previous comment on how she...