Orthopod Rushes Home to Bury Bone in the Backyard
AUSTIN, TX - Unable to contain his excitement any longer with a freshly-harvested femur in his right paw, orthopedic surgeon Brock Hammersley bolted out of the operating room, tongue salivating and tail wagging, and...
Secretary Tom Price Places Ex-Fix on Washington Monument
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Less than 24 hours after his Senate confirmation, orthopedic surgeon and new Secretary of Health and Human Services Dr. Tom Price didn't waste any time getting his hands dirty (yet keeping...
Breaking: 400-lb. Patient Not Actually Big-Boned
AUBURN, AL – Albert “Big Al” McGriddle has been told all his life by his Mama that he wasn’t fat, he was just “big boned.” When he was told he was “morbidly obese” at...
Local Orthopedic’s Practice Gives Away Free Pogo Sticks
NAPERVILLE, IL – Local orthopedic practice Grahm-Livingston-Henn have been giving away free pogo sticks for the past 4 months. Coincidentally business has boomed!
An official statement from G-L-H claims that they are "serving the community"...
Area Emergency Physician Successfully Manages Gout Without Consultation
SALT LAKE CITY, UT - Confetti is raining down from the ceilings as emergency medicine physician Deion Gnosis is being congratulated for diagnosing and treating a patient with an oft-confusing medical condition completely on...
The Difference Between RICE & Rice
Today, we distinguish between another two often-confused entities: RICE and rice.
RICE is an acronym that stands for Rest, Ice, Compression, and Elevation. RICE is often used to treat musculoskeletal injuries such as sprains and...
Santa Gives Good Ortho Intern 1000 Feet of PVC Piping for Christmas
PHILADELPHIA, PA - Boy, do we have a true feel-good story for you this Christmas. Orthopedic intern, Bryce Bonebreaker, learned he did in fact make Santa's Good Orthopod list when he unwrapped all his...
Peyton Manning No Longer Has The Arm Strength to Deliver Papa John’s Pizzas
DENVER, CO - According to Denver Broncos team doctors, aging 39-year-old quarterback Peyton Manning’s arm strength has significantly diminished to the point where he can no longer deliver Papa John’s pizzas.
“Peyton is throwing more...
Embarrassing: Team Doctor Rushes Onto Field Without His Stethoscope Again
DENVER, CO - New York Giants team doctor Scott Rodeo feels like a giant moron as he once again rushed out onto the field tending to the care of an injured player without his...
Orthopod Cuts Patient Load by Telling Them the Truth
PEMBROKE PINES, FL - In an amazing feat of political incorrectness, an orthopaedic surgeon cut his clinic volume of non-operative patients by half by simply telling the truth.
Dr. Joe “Nunchucks” Carpenter, an orthopaedic surgeon practicing...
