Pyxis Machine Dispenses Broken Glass Dilaudid Ampule, Laughs on the Inside

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA – GomerBlog brings breaking news regarding those fragile glass fentanyl and Dilaudid ampules in the Pyxis machine.  Apparently the machine enjoys dispensing medications with a cracked top, and even “laughs on the inside” according to programmers.

The machine only likes to do it for controlled substances to cause maximal disruptions.  If a lidocaine vial broke nobody would care as much and the Pyxis machine wouldn’t be excited.  Since Dilaudid is a controlled substance, whoever tried to check out the drug must now limp over like an injured dog and beg a witness to verify that the ampule was indeed broken.  Degrading at the very least and what a time eater!  If you are lucky, you get to page the OUCH pager because you got cut by the glass, followed by filing an exciting incident report.

Pyxis machines really enjoy hearing the “Not again, I don’t need this so early in the morning!” and “Now, I need to find a witness!” comments stated by nurses and anesthesia providers alike.  In order to keep the trend going, it actually tries to get the provider to slam the door in protest, thus propagating more broken glass vials for future victims.

The Pyxis machine is actually powered by forceful drawer slams.  When the battery starts to get low more vials will break, recounts will flag, and narc discrepancies will occur just to aggravate the operator so they slam the drawer to give the Pyxis more power.  When the engineers were asked why not just use a power cord, they responded, “Tell me then, how would the Pyxis stay entertained all day?”

So, the next time you are at the Pyxis and it decides to give you a broken vial, close your eyes, you just might hear that machine laughing.  Go ahead, slam that drawer for the next guy!

Speaking of programmers, GomerBlog is working on cracking the case linking the Pyxis engineers and the damn scrub machines computer geeks.