UTERUS – Local uterine baby, Baby Dennis, told reporters yesterday he just found a long umbilical cord floating around his head.
“This long cord is just floating in front of me and when I squeeze it just like this…”
At that point Dennis passed out. Moments later he awoke, “… Oh, man. I’m sorry. I must have drifted off! I guess babies just do that. Where was I?”
Dennis seemed a little confused. He regrouped and continued: “Yes, this magical new cord I discovered. It is very smooth and feels great to touch. I haven’t squeezed it yet but I really want to.”
“Screw it! I’m squeezing it. I haven’t figured out its purpose and if I had to guess I’d…”
Dennis drifted to sleep again. When he awoke he profusely apologized. “This never happens to me, I’m guessing it has to do with this newly-discovered cord. It may have some magical life-altering powers. What were we talking about again…?”
“Oh cord, that’s right. I was telling you about this new cord!” the floating upside down baby excitingly stated. “I REALLY want to squeeze it. I think it’s ok, I’ve earned it. I’m gonna do it.” Dennis squeezed the umbilical cord again, like a Who’s on First? sketch, and fell asleep.
Meanwhile in the outside world, doctors and nurses were frantically rotating mom, giving her oxygen, and discussing C-section possibilities.
Dennis was getting confused. “Man, it’s like as soon as this cord showed up I’m getting tossed right and left. I can’t decide if it is a friend or foe.”
“You know what?” Dennis said as he awoke for the third time during the interview. “I like this cord, I’ll just wrap it around my neck a couple times – like a scarf – so I don’t lose it when I fall asleep. But I’m really tempted to squeeze it, I just might try it and see what happens. You know, I am also tired of having my head upside down. All this blood is going to my brain. I’m going to try and rotate myself feet down while I’m at it.”
