REIMS, FRANCE – French urologist, Dr. Jacques LeStrappe, presented his newest innovation at the recent International Society of Urologists in Geneva, Switzerland that will forever change the landscape of male fertility procedures including vasectomies.
An inflatable band is placed around each vas deferens through small incisions in each side of the scrotum. Patients then obtain serial inflations, via injections of saline, to gradually close off the vas deferens and complete the infertility process. If fertility is desired, saline is aspirated and the band is deflated.
LeStrappe followed a cohort of 23 promiscuous male volunteers over the course of 2 years. The rate of children fathered over this time dropped dramatically after implantation and was statistically significant. Each volunteer had an average of 5 baby’s mamas pre-implantation, with a mean of 0.43 new baby’s mamas post-implantation.
The 10 children that were fathered by the cohort appeared to be related to lack of follow-up/incomplete inflation, slippage/failure of the band, and band rejection. Two of the children were twins and one male subject had to have the implant removed due to scrotal inflammation.
When asked about procedure and its innovation, LeStrappe stated that “the Vas-Band™ will allow men to be free with their love and not worry about procreation until they are more responsible, which may take many years, if ever. Women will love it since it will help promote male empathy with having implantable objects placed in their bodies to help prevent pregnancy.”
Side effects include cosmetic deformity, development of sperm antibodies, infection, hematoma, and implant rejection. There also may be a small risk of sexual partner rejection. Some cosmetic deformity is expected (scrotal distension or distortion) and patients may adjust the surrounding man-scaping to hide any unpleasant cosmesis.
Revolutionary!
Patrick Scarborough & Kimberly Fischer-Stemen this could be the next big thing….
Scott Armstrong Hahaha!
I would like to see the jiz to baby mamma ratio calculated with p values
Jen, at first I thought this was real and I was wondering what prompted it!
If only this were real….
Ever since getting the Essure implants, I would not recommend implanting foreign objects in your body!
If you put in a valve then you’d have a stop-cock
Don’t need it. My junk fell off from atrophy.
Jacque LeStrappe! Hilarious.
Oh geezzz :)
I’m afraid there is a urologist out there who will soon be filing for patent infringement
What’s funny about that is my wife and I have a running joke in our home referring to the remote as “The Penis” :-)
Personally, I think the next big trend in medicine will be “Home Surgery Kits”. The “Home Vasectomy” will be the 1st release. The nice thing about the “Home Vasectomy Kit” is that it comes with supplies for 3 surgeries. It will be recommended to try the 1st 2 on dogs (because they can be easily muzzled and don’t kick hard…horses and bulls are just out). The the 3rd set of surgical supplies is to be used for the actual procedure. As you can see this, this will explode into many possibilities in the future :-D
A penis with a remote would be nice
You know, this concept actually sounds plausible and not too far-fetched.