NEW YORK, NY – John Silk, a fourth-year anesthesiology resident at State Medical Hospital in New York, will now have his name immortalized in the annals of technological achievement with greats such as Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Al Gore, by becoming the first person in history to have seen and read every website on the internet, over 600 million pages.
When asked how he could have possibly completed this illustrious feat, Dr. Silk explains, “My plastic surgery rotation had been going pretty well, but it did seem like I was being assigned a lot of free flap cases. After my lunch break I had found myself exploring a website dedicated to pictures of guilty dogs.” What happened next was truly astonishing.
After clicking a link to a website featuring the world’s grumpiest cat and wondering if he had actually already visited the site earlier in the case, a blue screen popped up with a disclaimer stating that he had viewed every piece of information on the internet. Dr. Silk explains, “I really had no idea what to do on the computer so I just logged off!” At that point, Dr. Silk took out his smartphone and began to play Candy Crush Saga until the case finished.
This is not the first time an anesthesiology resident has been able to accomplish an amazing feat of dedication and persistence while working in the operating room. Last year while providing anesthesia for an emergency finger reattachment, Reuben Goldberg, a third year at Philadelphia County Hospital, was able to construct a fifty-seven step machine in the OR which would automatically chart in 15 minute intervals that the patient was in normal sinus rhythm and that their eyes were indeed still taped.
When asked what he would do now that he had seen the entire internet Dr. Dickerson was befuddled, particularly with a bilateral TRAM flaps scheduled for the following day. “I suppose I can try to log on to the deep web, hopefully there will be a lot more websites I can check out.” Whatever Dr. Silk decides, the future looks bright for the young web surfer.
UPDATE:
John Silk is currently under suspension from State Medical University Anesthesia Residency and under FBI investigation for trading nitrous oxide filled balloons for bitcoins. GomerBlog will continue to follow and post updates as the story unfolds.
