WASHINGTON, DC – The Federal Drug Administration has recently approved the first medication that will combat both bacterial infections and male impotence. Mycoxaflopin, a novel fluoroquinolone, originally developed by Dutch company Stijf, will be marketed under trade name Priapic™ by Merck, Inc.
In phase II clinical trials, male subjects being treated with Mycoxaflopin for a variety of bacterial infections discovered that they had unpredictable and sustained erections. Stijf was able to hone this serendipitous side effect by manipulating the drug molecule and thereby ensure a more dose-related response and predictable erectile effect. Female subjects on Mycoxaflopin experienced no significant unintended effects, although the cohort did show a higher prevalence of headaches and decreased libido as compared to those on placebo.
Merck president of product development, Johan Essonmi, states: “Mycoxaflopin is an innovative medication that will not only combat common bacterial infections but also the worldwide phenomenon of male impotence.”
“We hope that instead of reaching for a Z-Pak for those pesky colds, primary care physicians will write for Priapic™ and kill two birds with one stone. Patients and physicians alike will be happier. A bird in the hand is worth two in the… bush?”
When queried about contributing to emerging bacterial resistance from needless and overprescribing of antibiotics, Essonmi shrugged and added, “Fictitious, like global warming. Everyone talks about it but I think it’s way overblown. Priapic™ is a potent antibiotic and potent impotence drug. I am confident it will rise to any occasion, needless or not.”
