BERKELEY, CA – The Anti Vaccination ring leader was injured Thursday during a big Pharma raid that occurred about 2 o’clock PST. “We tried to go in and take out the source of the insurgency,” Dr. Donald Withers told reporters. Dr. Withers is leading the national fight against the ‘Anti-Vaxers.’ “We’ve been taking them out one by one. Each raid we gather more intel that lead us to Thursday’s raid, and we were this close to catching their boss,” he said as he held up right hand showing an inch between his finger and thumb.
The team of doctors busted down the front door to the leader’s home only to stop dead in their tracks. “We were stunned,” Dr. Joshua Hurwitz, said. Dr. Hurwitz is another team member who was in charge of showing the target study after high powered study refuting the claim that vaccines are dangerous. “There he stood over six-foot tall, single-celled and all, a large influenza virus. I dropped all my papers on the ground, it was a mess,” He said has he pushed up his glasses off the bridge of his nose.
The team saw computers everywhere that were logged into countless forums and websites, clearly the work of a kingpin spreading internet propaganda. The raid was stopped short when all six team members stood in the living room frozen, in shock at the large influenza virus. “All the virus said, in big booming voice, was: You are murdering my people! Stop killing off our women and children, they have families to feed and they need your lung tissue to do it!”
Influenza has been relatively kept under control for many years, but due to many fears among people about the vaccine it is making comeback. “If I only brought my Tamiflu aerosolizer bomb,” Dr. Withers stated in regret.
The absolute shocker was the guest this large sentient influenza virus had in his house: Pertussis. Both escaped quickly but not without Dr. Hurvitz shouting out some data proving the effectiveness of vaccines which injured influenza on his way out. “I can’t believe she was there too,” Hurvitz said referring to pertussis. “I wish I would have been quicker with my data, maybe I would have killed both.”
The medical community is excited that they have a face [cell] at the top of the whole anti-vax movement. “The evidence gathered at this raid was priceless. We have names of many people in the Anti-vax network. We even found Jenny McCarthy‘s underwear in his room, she must be sleeping with the large virus… somehow.”
“It makes perfect sense now,” Dr. Withers said. “He doesn’t want his people to die so he’s been spreading lies about the only effective way to eradicate his kind off the planet. But I won’t rest until we get the bastard.”
