FDA Approves Groundbreaking Postmortem Chemotherapy Protocol

BOCA RATON, FL – Sending shockwaves throughout the medical community, the Food & Drug Administration approved a postmortem chemotherapy regimen to be administered after a patient has passed away from cancer. The protocol will initially be offered to patients who have succumbed to disease within 1 month of their death, but there are rumblings that the toxic medications could eventually be administered as late as 1 to 5 years after the patient has died.

Area oncologist Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram, whose groundbreaking research paved the way for this breakthrough, hailed the FDA announcement as a step forward.  “This treatment plan offers a ray of hope to those who are no longer with us.  Even though our data indicates a 0% chance of resurrection from death, I think it’s important for us to give patients the option.”

While insurance companies have been reluctant to offer coverage for this ultra-expensive chemotherapy regimen, the pharmaceutical industry has launched a marketing campaign which urges patients to consider postmortem payment plans to receive the regimen in a cash-pay model. 

Taking the lead from Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram, many other specialists suggest that additional postmortem medical breakthroughs may be on the horizon:

• Postmortem AICD placement
• Postmortem hemodialysis
• Postmortem Whipple procedures

“These are truly exciting times in medicine!” raved Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram.  “What a time to be alive, or even already dead!”