BRENTWOOD, CA – Geez, O.J. Simpson just can’t get a break!  He has been asked over and over again to go into a patient’s room, but there are no gloves that fit him! They just keep ripping.  Every.  Single.  Time.

O.J. Simpson got a job at a local emergency room (ER) after he was released on parole.  Every triage patient that he tries to take care of, he rips his gloves.  “Sorry, I can’t go in there,” he says.  Then he spends the rest of the shift looking for the real nurse.

Administrator Marcia Clark is trying to get O.J. Simpson fired.  “He’s been taking care of patients without the appropriate protection.  I know he has been seeing patients,” she said in-between perms.  “I can prove O.J. has done it, he had a nic-Code Brown all over his hands, clothes, and inside his Bronco.  It’s disgusting.”

The hospitalist, Julie West, is getting pretty annoyed with all his new patients she receives while O.J. is working.  West is particularly mad at the ER attending, Dr. Johnnie Cochran.  “I’m getting tired asking Dr. Cochran if he examined the patient and he just responds, ‘If the Glove don’t fit, you must admit!'”