METROPOLIS, US – During an initial evaluation at Metropolis Medical Center (MMC) where the Man of Steel Superman presented to the emergency room with generalized weakness, ER nurse Bethany Richardson astutely concluded that the frequent flyer exposed himself to kryptonite again and made sure it was added to his allergy list.
“Mr. Superman, have you noticed that every time you use kryptonite, you end up feeling weak, nauseous, throwing up, and end up in our ER?”’ Richardson asked the superhero, who has temporarily traded in his blue, red, and yellow outfit for a bland johnny. “What did we talk about just a few days ago?”
“Giving up kryptonite, I know, I know, because it’s bad for my health,” Superman acquiesced reluctantly, using his superhuman powers to suppress an eye roll. “What if I use cocaine instead?”
“Do that,” Richardson replied, “and the Man of Steel will need an ICD of Titanium.” With that, Richardson officially entered kryptonite into the EHR as an allergy causing nausea, vomiting, and generalized weakness. Also listed on his allergy list is morphine and heparin. “You keep exposing yourself to this kryptonite, you’ll end up with something worse: cancer or death.”
Superman nodded. This superhero, known for his gravity-defying stunts, could barely sit up for Richardson to take a listen to his heart and lungs.
“At least you didn’t aspirate the stuff and get a pneumonia,” Richardson commented, telling Superman later that he needs to wear looser underwear to avoid further skin breakdown. “Now do you need something for pain? And don’t say Dilaudid or I’ll break your glasses.”
