After extensive deliberation, the American Medical Association has decided to make complaining a vital sign.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, complaining “is to say or write that you are unhappy, sick, uncomfortable, etc., or that you do not like something.”

The research demonstrates that 100% of patients within a margin of error of 0 percent meet this criteria for complaining. Researcher Mike Weber, Phd, stated, “It’s amazing we didn’t add complaining to the vital sign lexicon before. The prevalence is astounding.”

Health care providers report hearing complaining even when they can’t access other vital signs. Nurse Jodie Marcus, RN states, “Sometime I can’t hear any respirations or a heartbeat but I don’t even need a stethoscope to hear complaining.”

Complaining is even more prevalent than the controversial former fifth vital sign pain. The data reflects that patients forget they’re in pain but they never forget to complain.

The patients are thrilled with the recent designation.

Said cardiothoracic patient Bill Phins with a big smile, “Complaining means I get more Dilaudid.”